faulker053

You may have no idea how they're suffering. Your wife, or mother, or partner or son. It's about shame. And fear. That's why they can't tell you. That's why it's so hard for her to ask for help. I'm not placing blame, but I'm asking you to start to listen like you never have before. Because it's hard for those living with anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder to say what needs to be said. Don't be fooled by his size or his weight. People with eating disorders come in all sizes. And don't be fooled by how well she had been doing. Slips happen. That's normal. But recovery requires acknowledgement that things are amiss, and that support is available. Right there. In person. Not just virtually through this blog, or a virtual support group or a friend across the world. Yes, they need to know that you are there for them, unconditionally. Even if you really don't understand. Even though you wish they'd just 'get over it'. St...

I was talking to a guy from San Francisco this week, and the subject turned to earthquakes. This long-time SF resident and survivor of the big quake of 1989 offered some very practical advice for me to share with my son, a San Francisco newbie, fortunately naïve about the seriousness of going through an earthquake. His focus was not on what to do during the crisis—although that advice is critical as well—but rather what to do before hand. How to be prepared for this challenging situation, because being prepared, as he put it, is the surest way to increase survival. Imagine that while sitting and discussing such matters my mind moved to you, my dear readers. No, there’s no need to worry about earthquakes for most of you. Rather, the subject of preparedness as a means to ensure survival and minimize damage struck me as most fitting—whether you struggle with an eating disorder or living free of diet rules. Have a plan , he said. In San Francisco that might mean knowing which are the secu...

Recovery is a tricky thing. You may be making progress with your eating—whether you are working to overcome binge eating, anorexia or bulimia—but may be fooled into believing that you’ve truly normalized  your relationship with food. It may feel like you’ve largely recovered; you’ve started to include ice cream (but only when you’re out, never keeping it in the house). And your binge frequency is close to zero. And surely you who’ve been restricting deserve credit for eating more than you used to—at least of the foods you deem good for you. But consider this: No, avoidance isn't the answer . Is it really recovery when the only way you feel in control is to fill your days with so much activity (no, not even physical activity) that you don't get to sit with your feelings? You work long hours waitressing, take on extra shifts or extend your work hours only to avoid being with yourself. You struggle to allow yourself to feel hungry—fearing you're not trustworthy to respond corr...

I'm not posting this to brag nor, I'll add, to solicit more emails.  We can't tell just looking at you who's living with an eating disorder. And I certainly don't want those of you who are not in such a great place to feel worse about your apparent lack of recovery; I'm aware that's how some of you may think. Perhaps you, too, have come a long way on your journey toward recovery, in ways you rarely stop to acknowledge. (SHOUT OUT: identify what you have done well with today!) Rather, I write because of what could have happened to Leah. And about what usually happens, to those with Binge Eating Disorder and other eating disorders. So please read on! "I hope you are doing well and a Happy Belated Birthday!   I just read your latest blog post and it made me quite happy and blessed for our time together. I am happy and proud to say that I am doing great and haven't used food to deal with my emotions.   I am still in therapy and it is a big help but I ha...

Is your eating disorder your own little secret? Do you hesitate to confide in others, fearing they just wouldn't get it? Do you wish you had support from someone knowledgable about the struggle to recover, yet safe to share with? Introducing the desperately needed ASPIRE, created by Cate Sangster, who knows a lot about these struggles, as you'll read. We connected through this blog as she embarked on her journey to recover, created a book together and are now dear friends. So read on and then visit ASPIRE! "Ask someone off the street about eating disorders and they’ll probably tell you about skinny young girls with too much vanity and not enough substance to their lives. But those of us in the know, understand that the true landscape of eating disorders looks very different to this.  Firstly we understand that eating disorders are not a lifestyle choice. They are not about vanity or attention seeking, but rather they are a severe mental illness that cannot be cured by gui...